Investment · Development · Brand Creation

Other firms follow the market. We jump it.

The Jumping Pig is a multinational investment and development firm. We create every logo and every brand in our portfolio in-house, then fund the start-ups behind them. Most were conceived while intoxicated. All were funded anyway.

View the portfolio Our thesis

$847M
Capital deployed: Mostly after 9 p.m.; $41.6B
Enterprise value created: Unaudited. Unauditable.; 19
Portfolio brands: Every logo drawn in-house; 14
Countries of operation: Give or take a campground

01 The Firm

It began as a bar and grille. Then it got out of hand.

For years The Jumping Pig served food, drinks, fire and fun to anyone who wandered in. Then our founder noticed that the regulars pitched their best business ideas somewhere around the third round, and that none of those ideas had a logo. So we drew the logos, built the brands and funded the start-ups. Today we hold interests in hospitality, maritime logistics, defense, condiments and luxury apparel.

01
Food

Consumer

Paninis, brick-oven pizza, steamed weenies. We back anything a person will stand in line for.
02
Drinks

Liquidity

Taverns, tiki bars and one autonomous lake vessel. Also where 94% of our deal flow originates.
03
Fire

Energy

Open flame is the oldest technology on earth. We remain deeply involved. So deep we actually torched on of our investments.
04
Fun

Entertainment

Talent, nightlife and competitive golf. The returns are immeasurable, so we stopped measuring.

02 Portfolio

Some of the brands we create.

Every logo and every brand below was created in-house by The Jumping Pig. Most of the companies were conceived while intoxicated and funded before anyone sobered up. Valuations are ours and should be enjoyed, not relied upon.

01
The Figsitational
Like the masters but better $6.1B
02
Tavern on the Berm
Hospitality $3.4B
03
Lincoln's Lawnmowing
Land Management $910M
04
Lisa's Pieces
Confectionery...maybe $1.2B
05
Jeanie's Paninis
Quick Service $2.8B
06
Dave's World Famous
Brick Oven Pizza $4.1B
07
Hapy's Place
Fine Dining $1.9B
08
Mark's Kitchen
Culinary $2.2B
09
The One and Only Braxton
Talent Priceless
10
Stroke Masters
Performance Science $760M
11
The Boner
Maritime Logistics $5.0B
12
Lona's Dirty Hole
Adult Entertainment - STDs $1.1B
13
Banners by Brooke
Creative Studio $640M
14
Kenny's Steamy Weenies
Street Food $3.3B
15
Deck 17
Nightlife, but at s12 $1.7B
16
Fitch's Hazardous Fruit
Spirits $2.6B
17
Spicy Brown
A Lifestyle not the mustard $880M
18
USS Ribbit
Defense Classified
19
Traveling Tiki Bar
Mobile Hospitality $1.50
Your brand here

Bring us the idea you had at the bar. We draw the logo, build the brand and wire the money.
Pitch the Chairman

03 Method

A disciplined process, loosely followed.

Overhear

Our deal flow has one source: ideas announced loudly after the third drink. We write them down before the founder forgets.
Brand

Before there is a product, a plan or a second opinion, there is a logo. We design every mark and build every brand in-house.
Fund

Then we capitalise the start-up before anyone sobers up. We do not exit. We have never exited. Nobody here is entirely sure how one exits.

04 Leadership

One mastermind. And a board, for appearances.

David Hayes

Founder, Chairman & Chief Mastermind

David Hayes founded The Jumping Pig as a bar and grille and, over the course of one unusually productive afternoon, restructured it into a multinational investment and development firm. Every logo and every brand in the portfolio was created by his studio. He personally approves each start-up, ideally before its founder has finished the sentence.

People ask how we created forty-one billion dollars of value. I tell them the truth. I drew some logos and refused to stop.

The Executive Board

Seat 01
Name sealed

Chief Financial Optimist

Rounds exclusively upward.
Seat 02
Name sealed

Chief Operating Officer, Lake Division

Oversees all waterborne assets.
Seat 03
Name sealed

General Counsel

Head of Plausible Deniability.
Seat 04
Name sealed

Chief Brand Officer

Has opinions about the red.
Seat 05
Name sealed

Managing Director, Mergers & Tailgates

Closes before the ice melts.
Seat 06
Name sealed

Chief Risk Officer

Seat vacant since the incident.

05 Atelier

The Jumping Pig, to wear.

The house's own label. Cut in limited runs, finished by hand, and priced to reassure. Each piece carries the crest or the pig, never both, because restraint is the last true luxury.

Look 01

The Chairman's Tee
$1,400
Heavyweight cotton, full crest
Look 02

The Dividend
$980
Bone jersey, red pig at the chest
Look 03

The Hostile Takeover
Upon request
Signal red, tonal white pig

“The most important holding company ever founded in a bar.”

The Berm Street Journal

“We asked to see the books. We were handed a menu.”

Campground Business Weekly

“Every one of their companies began as a bar tab.”

The Lakeside Ledger

“Somehow, the shirts are sold out.”

Grandview Style Quarterly

06 Investor Relations

Request an allocation.

The fund is closed, oversubscribed and largely imaginary. Exceptions are made for qualified investors, founders with an idea they had at the bar, and anyone buying the next round.

Contact the Chairman's office

Minimum commitment: One round
Management fee: 2% and a plate of wings
Due diligence: Conducted the morning after
Lock-up period: Until last call
Target return: Yes

Other firms follow the market. We jump it.

It began as a bar and grille. Then it got out of hand.

Food

Drinks

Fire

Fun

Some of the brands we create.

The Figsitational

Tavern on the Berm

Lincoln's Lawnmowing

Lisa's Pieces

Jeanie's Paninis

Dave's World Famous

Hapy's Place

Mark's Kitchen

The One and Only Braxton

Stroke Masters

The Boner

Lona's Dirty Hole

Banners by Brooke

Kenny's Steamy Weenies

Deck 17

Fitch's Hazardous Fruit

Spicy Brown

USS Ribbit

Traveling Tiki Bar

Your brand here

A disciplined process, loosely followed.

Overhear

Brand

Fund

One mastermind. And a board, for appearances.

David Hayes

The Executive Board

Name sealed

Name sealed

Name sealed

Name sealed

Name sealed

Name sealed

The Jumping Pig, to wear.

The Chairman's Tee

The Dividend

The Hostile Takeover

Request an allocation.